- Recognize When They Are testing your patience
When your child is standing there in front of you with their face full of attitude and nonsense coming out of their mouth it can be so hard to keep it together.
Unfortunately, when we match their intensity with our own frustrations, anger and yelling (and throwing things) it only serves to add fuel to the flames of their inner angst. And we become an unwilling role model, reinforcing the same behavior and actions we’re trying to move them away from.
As and when you find that the teen is getting disrespectful, use authority and delay the discussion.
- Keep Calm and mindful
When possible, even though it may require enormous restraint on our parts, the better approach is to keep our voices at normal volume and tone. Set the rules of engagement for them. Explain that you’ll be happy to listen or talk with them about the issue if they can do so in a more reasonable way.
You can tackle the heat moment of argument by saying that you understand they are upset but they should talk to the parents in a certain manner. Be strict on this. The teens should know how to disagree respectfully.
- Don’t Take It Personally
Tweens and teens are experts and knowing exactly how to use words as weapons. They understand how to inflict the most damage with even the simplest things they say.
As their parents, we become almost daily targets in their ongoing battle of them against the world.
But as a parent we must know that nothing that they say is personal. If we do so, we are doing self harm!
The teen is already in a very difficult mental state.The tween and teen years are filled with turmoil. Hormones are raging, bodies are changing in sometimes confusing and uncomfortable ways, and their brains aren’t yet fully developed to help them cope with all of this. Sometimes they just need someone to tolerate their meltdowns. They do not intentionally hurt you.
- Reinforce Rules and Respect
Now, we can show our kids fierce love without allowing them to run right over us. We should all take the following words to heart, ” Unconditional Love Doesn’t Mean That You Have To Unconditionally Accept Bad Behaviors.”
Giving grace becomes an important tool in these tween and teens years, but so does setting limits. They are still children and they not only need, but often want boundaries. It helps them to know what to expect from you and what you expect of them.
They can have bad moods and they can be angry with us. We need to give them the space for all those emotions. However, we need us to guide them on how to properly express those emotions and what the rules are when it comes to their behavior.
5, Skip the Lectures
Now when it comes to enforcing those consequences, it can be SO tempting to full on school them about all the reasons why the way they are acting is ridiculous.
Our tweens and teens are often convinced that they are the smartest people in the world. The ironic thing is they think this way because their brains aren’t fully developed. They are at a stage in life where they are more prone to impulsive behavior and they have difficulty grasping the long-term consequences of their decisions.
No lectures in the world are effective for a teenager.
So rather than wasting your energy to speak up some magical words, make the rule book very clear and let them bear the consequences of deeds they do.
No homework – no playtime
No chores- no pocket money
And so on. They must know beforehand that doing this will lead them to some not-so-good circumstances.
Teenage is a period when these children think that they don’t need anyone and nobody understands them. This is the time they need their parents most! Love your teen and help them pass these years with wisdom