Raising a kid is not always an easy job. The children need boundaries to understand the power of discipline. These days what I see is, the parent gets controlled by the child which actually should be the other way round. We want to impart our values to our kids, but we sometimes fail due to sheer overwhelm or fatigue. Here are some of my the best phrases to memorize to make your life with kids easier.
1. If you can’t be nice, be quite!
It’s punchy, pithy, and even a young child can “get it”. It’s easy to memorize, and you may even find your kids saying it to each other after a while!
It also lets the child know that it’s ok to occasionally be in a bad mood or angry. Anger isn’t evil, even moms get mad. Parents need to direct their children to express their feelings.
Keeping quiet for a while helps the kid (and the parent) to calm down and deal with the situation in a mindful way
2. I have my reasons
Use this one when your kids are questioning your decisions, arguing with your “No”, and generally being presumptuous little darlings who are overstepping their boundaries.
“I have my reasons” also reminds your child that they don’t have to know or understand everything you as an adult do. While it’s good to give a child reasons for your decisions, especially as they get older, it’s not required every single time, especially if you don’t have time or the inclination or energy to give reasons. Also, sometimes as a parent you just get a gut feeling about something and can’t explain rationally, off the cuff, why you’re saying No. However, as a parent with great responsibility, you’re entitled to a little irrationality!
3. If I asked her about it then?
This one works like a charm in case of sibling rivalry or when the kiddo comes home and is upset with her best friend. Asking the kid “if I asked her about it, what would she say? ” helps the kid to think from the other person’s perspective. This early inculcating habit brings a lot of emotional understanding in the kid and makes room for better emotional intelligence.
Because kids are born self-absorbed, and empathy comes with maturity, they don’t have a lot of practice with thinking of the other person’s perspective. This question immediately gets them out of their head and helps them see the situation from another person’s viewpoint
4. Is what you are doing working?
This one is for older children. Sometimes a child will get stuck in a pattern of behaviour. Let’s say an older child keeps harping on a younger one about something they’re doing. The more the big sibling nags, the more the younger one acts up.
When I see this, I’ll ask, “Is what you’re doing working?”. If the child doesn’t see my point right away, I’ll ask, “What is it you’re trying to accomplish here? Is what you’re doing working?”
Questions like this help the young champ to understand that they can control only their actions and behaviours. Also if one way of doing a certain thing doesn’t work, it’s better to rethink about the ways.
5. You worked so hard on that!
I’ve seen parents saying “I knew you’ll do it” or “good job” or maybe “you are awesome “
These generalized statements program your child in a not so effective way of either taking your compliments for granted or they will start behaving overconfident as they know they are “awesome”.
By praising the hard work, not the outcome, I’m subtly imparting to them that the struggle is where it’s at. That all of life is filled with challenges, and that hard work is a blessing.
Try these out and let me know how they worked for you❤